Relationships Vs Partnerships
I first want to start by acknowledging that we all have relationships of some kind with everything around us and that is us. We have a relationship with our mind ( so what we say to ourselves), our body (what we do with it and ingest in it) and our soul (what we allow ourselves to be). I want to start with people and how we engage with that.
Let’s face it relationships whoever they maybe with are not always that f*****g easy, why because we make them so difficult because of what we perceive to be and what we call values and there is nothing wrong with having values they give us some grounding in a way, but perception and this continued behaviour to keep trying to relate to the other person instead of accepting, allowing, being compassionate and acknowledging them an seeing them as they are and in the space they are in in that moment is lost and so we are unable then to build a partnership. They are out there and we each have it within us to be that person to be that person who shows up with unconditional love. Do you notice how you choose who you share your love with and how you express it that is conditioned love, yet deep within your soul you are each and every one of us crying out for that unconditional love that full acceptance and acknowledgement of who we are regardless. Ask yourself why? Then sit with it for as long as you need and keep going back to that question, you will be surprised when you see past the illusion that you have created what is underneath that. We all have at some point experienced being in a relationship but how many of us have actually been in a partnership with someone or with people? Ask yourself what is a partnership and how does that look?
I have had many experiences with relationships that have left me in awww or left me confused.com. I have come close and had a taster of being in a partnership with a man and it was beautiful, however I knew that it was only for a short time, even though that experience lasted 16 months and ended with us both now not speaking, I will treasure those moments and always have gratitude that I got to feel, see and acknowledge how unconditional love can show up for us and what that means. We all have triggers and sometimes those triggers within us go so deep that there is nothing we can do and we have to let go and accept that it is what it is. It is fucking hard. That experience was not an easy one for me my heart felt like it had been ripped out and stamped all over it was still smouldering from the wounds a year later. It was only when I was ready to go in and sit with the pain that I could start to release but that came from me building my strength to love myself unconditionally which is now my daily practice.
I was quite insecure when I went into the relationship and it took months to build up the trust and I would shut down, push away but he was able to see past that he could see that frightened person who just needed to see that she was safe and that I was not going to be alone and that I would be accepted and he showed me that and before I knew it my heart opened up and I haven’t ever felt so much love at that point before because I had closed off from it, it was amazing and it was so beautiful. Then that fateful day came where my world crumbled in front of me where I was being triggered because of his trigger and instead of us talking like we had always done it went the other way. Our first and last argument. When I needed that reassurance and to feel safe and secure he didn’t show me this time because his own deep dark trigger was so alive that it made him run so far away that he would not see me again. I guess that is why it took 2 years to get over that and to get over that I had to learn to love myself unconditionally and that meant loving every aspect of me from the calm peaceful loving person to the person who felt insecure to the person who needed to shout and to the person who now knows that how I process experiences is me going into to what makes no sense so I can make sense of it, it meant loving myself fully and accepting that this is how my mind works this is how I understand my world and it is ok . I am not mad but to the outside world it appeared that way. I had to accept that is just how I do things and that I do not need the approval of others to acknowledge that. Me seeking that approval came from my father not being present and acknowledging me as a young child when I was in those moments of trying to feel safe I was punished and ignored and labelled. So that played out for a very long time. See now that attachment is gone there is no fear. If a person walks away that’s ok, If they never speak to me that’s ok, I am aware that they are where they are at and that this is their journey and if that is what they need to do then I accept that and send them love and have hope and faith they find peace. I no longer require validation of who I am because I am me and that’s it and I love me regardless. You see old ways will not serve to protect us anymore and we have to move into a new conscious state and awareness of how we can love without condition and love so fucking deeply and madly. Even if I only get to say to myself I love you and give myself a hug I am turning up for myself every day with that love.
You see most of my relationships were based on my understanding of what love was and also my fear of being alone and not feeling loved. That in itself is a recipe for disaster. So I had major trust issues to and I went into relationships that presented violence, addiction, possessiveness but also love and kindness, acceptance and nurturing so they were not all “bad”.
What I have come to know is that each relationship I have had be that friend, “boyfriend”, lover, my manager, my family, they have all been there to show me what I needed to see to support my growth, to lead me to stepping out of the illusion and on to my path, to push me to be the person I am today and the person that was always there, to show me unconditional love. They have shown me that there is nothing in them that is not or has not been me. I have worked on building my love for myself and sometimes that has meant taking a time out from society, from family and allowing myself to be present for me and going deep to find me and know me. The last 3 years have been a journey of losing myself but also finding myself, of healing, of acceptance of knowing me. Since the end of October 2018 I have worked on building that strength and allowing myself to really feel into acceptance and what it truly means so I can engage with people with more love and strength. Love isn’t about how much you give, it isn’t about what a person does for you and you will do it back, Love is about you being you showing up and sharing the beauty of all you are in all you do. If we label that as kindness or being nice so be it, but it isn’t really about that it is us just being us in a world full of crazy and showing that it is possible to love on all levels without fear and the need to protect.
Each experience with each person you meet is there for a reason wether you believe that or not and sometimes they are more than angels in disguise. It is our perception of what that could be that will leave you feeling anger, frustration, emotional and all sorts of other emotions. When we allow ourselves to let go of our conditioning we can truly see that actually that person is so afraid that the behaviour we see (which we deem acceptable or unacceptable) is shifted and we see through the eyes of love and we can be that rock for them in that moment if that is what they need. Sometimes love can be you losing your shit and saying you know what enough and speaking your truth and what you see, Because sometimes we need that kick up the arse in your face energy. We just let of attaching a label and then it gives you space to build up the partnership.
When we associate with “relationship” we are always trying to understand the other person through our own perception, fears, conditioning, instead of loving them as they are. The monkey mind will see, hear and feel what it wants to in any given moment. Then sometimes the soul will need something and we receive it and we attach something to it and create issues with the other person. When we make the decision to start having partnerships instead of relationships we live much more happily and contented.
We find it hard to know that others can love us as we are because we don’t love us as we are so get loving you as you are now, go back and love that small child you were, the pain in the arse teenager your parents referred to you as and shift that illusion of never being fully accepted. We can only truly love others as we do ourselves. Love isn’t about being “nice and feeling good “love is something that goes beyond that conditioning being nice and feeling good is validation. When you know who you are and you feel that on every level love will show itself in many ways and you will see that, your appreciation for what is around you will grow your gratitude for what is present in your life will increase and a sense of peace will continue to wash over you.
If you really want to expand your friendships, your love for your family your partner then be present with them, look into their eyes and look deep, connect to their soul and allow yourself to feel them on a level you have never experiences before. Watch things unfold and see how they shift. If a “relationship” is over acknowledge that, feel what you need to feel but most importantly have gratitude for being able to share the time you had and gratitude for what you have learnt and for the love that you received, Because love is never not within our grasp love is always there we just need to open our eyes and heart and allow ourselves to feel it and be in it.
Nicola Kelleher - Inspiring You
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